I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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