i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
