I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
