I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
