Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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