Plan B is the new Plan A
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
