I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
