I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
