i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
