I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
