I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
