Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
