so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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