maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
