Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You took a bar mat shot.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
