If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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