I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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