You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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