That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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