ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
