No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
