My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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