Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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