even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
