ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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