hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
