do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you inspire me to be a worse person
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
