I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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