he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
