I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
