I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
