We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
