JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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