He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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