I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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