There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
