Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
