drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
