I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
