Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
