I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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