Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
