I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
