If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
