brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
