I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
