haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
