My first STD was from a foam party
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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