if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
