we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this will be a night to untag.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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