The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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