I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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