I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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