Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
