His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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