Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
