I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize