Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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