anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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