tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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