Got a toothbrush?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
