I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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