I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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