Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is wine microwaveable?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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