I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
