Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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