So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
