well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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