My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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