I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
