Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
