i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
