Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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