so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
