i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
