Sry I called you an 8
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
