went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
