He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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