I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
