Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
