Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
