I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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