had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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