I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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