I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
