could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
