he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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