$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
