i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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