i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
