you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
