so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
